I found out what’s been

drowning me,

Suffocating me till i weep.

It’s the silence,

The silence,

it climbs up my

Oesophagus and rolls off

my tongue in turrets,


I’ve decided that i should be as prepared for death as i can be (no, I’m not terminally I’ll, but i think about death a lot)

“Life is a miracle, Death is inevitable.” – me.

you should read this i don’t know if it’s any good, but i googled the quote above and this book came up, i read like two sentences but it sounds good to me.

Joy of Living by Prasanna Rao Bandela

death is something we can all relate too, it sucks but it’s how it has to be. you prepare to live with school or work, but that shit gets boring eventually, and lets get real by preparing to die you live to the fullest you get to do your bucket list (everyone has one, stfu).

So one of the things on my list is:

Make a capsule of me. I’m going to write letters so that when i die my peoples can read them and laugh at my handwriting, I’m going to record my voice, so they can never claim to forget it,( putting that isht on the internet.) and of course I’m going to take a shit load of selfies.




The havirgin suicidesunting, humorous and tender story of the brief lives of the five entrancing Lisbon sisters.

The shocking thing about the girls was how nearly normal they seemed when their mother let them out for the one and only date of their lives. Twenty years on, their enigmatic personalities are embalmed in the memories of the boys who worshiped them and who now recall their shared adolescence. – goodreads.com

Disclaimer: I feel that this book deserves a lengthy review, but this isn’t a review. I encourage you to read the book all the same.

May contain some spoilers.


This story invoked a sadness in me when i was reading it, but it wasn’t the usual feels I would experience this was different, it was like hearing one of your friends relatives died, leaving you with a deflated “oh”.

The virgin suicides is different to other books I’ve read that surround the issue of suicide, they all in some way gave the perspective of of the main character. What they liked what they loathed, why they did it, and in some ways there was always a chance that they would do it, wouldn’t die. and reading the virgin suicides, I had that same hope even though I knew they would all be dead by the end of the book.

A hopeless hope, right until the very end when Lux sat in that chair waiting, I so wanted it to happen for them to be okay to get away from their mother that I believed they were. Maybe it was me, but maybe it was the excellent Jeffrey Eugenides.

This was a slow read for me though, took me four days from when I read the first page to finish the entire book one of those days I didn’t even read it. It did captivate me like I expected it to.

Through the first person plural narrative, I took on the character of one of the boys, and of course I was just as oblivious to what was really going on with the Lisbon sisters. However something that nagged at me throughout the whole book and even now I week after I finished.

Why didn’t the boys just talk to them? if they were so infatuated with them surely they would have made more of an effort. I know I would have no matter how shy I was or awkward the interaction. because it would have been worth it.

I feel that the Lisbon girls suicides could have been prevented, I kind of angry about it. why didn’t anybody call social services when they never left the house, those neighbours, like seriously what the fuck?

You give me this picture of a close community but, you’re trying to tell me there were no straight up nosey people that wanted to see what was going on?

Why didn’t the boys try an rescue the girls sooner, none of them were brave enough or wild, or drunk?

Do not lie to me!

- Honestly though they could have been saved, I just know it. Those fucking boys I swear!

They made these girls mysterious and fantastical (saw this when I googled if it were based on a true story). Because what they’re girls? they go through their trash, but can’t be persistent in their advances.

And now I feel that if I were in the Lisbon girls position, I would definitely contemplate suicide matricide if that’s what it came to, just so my sisters could be free.

Eugenides is genius because I’m always going to have these questions:

Did they even try to run? Why couldn’t they get away?

Was this their only way out?




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